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Pametan stav – prepuštanje prvenstva drugima

Da li imate iskustvo u nečemu što se činilo katastrofom, a zapravo se ispostavilo kao jedan od najvećih poklona koje ste ikada dobili? Situaciju za koju vam je zapravo na kraju bilo drago da niste bili u pravu, jer ste iz toga izvukli dragocene pouke? Da? Onda ovaj tekst nije za vas, jer već znate da nije važno biti u pravu, već učiti na sopstvenom iskustvu, učiti kroz greške i na taj način stalno unapređivati sebe. Ili ne trošiti uzalud energiju dokazujući nekome da nije u pravu isterujući pravdu, ali iscediti svu pozitivnu energiju iz sebe dokazujući to.

 

Biti u pravu, braniti svoje stavove, zahteva ogromnu količinu mentalne energije i često nas otuđuje od ljudi. Potreba da budu u pravu (ili potreba da neko drugi greši) ohrabruje ljude da postanu agresivno defanzivni i da vrše pritisak na nas svojom odbranom. Pa ipak, mnogi od nas gube puno vremena i energije pokušavajući da dokažu da su u pravu (ili da drugi greše).

Izvor : Unsplash

Šta uopšte imate od toga što ste u pravu? Zašto i kome je to važno? Da Ii će to povoljno uticati na kvalitet vašeg života? Zasigurno NE. Što više insistirate da želite biti u pravu, to se više udaljavate od sreće i blagostanja (jer blagostanje nije samo finansijsko već i emocionalno, duhovno i mentalno). Dakle, možete biti u pravu ili možete biti bogati – izbor je vaš.

 

Zašto onda neki ljudi toliko uporno žele da budu u pravu?

 

Oni koji uvek moraju biti u pravu, obično samo prenose svoju nesigurnost i frustracije na druge. To je izraz nesigurnosti i želje za dominacijom, kontrolom i pogrešan put da dođu do toga što žele.

 

Čak i kada svi dokazi ukazuju na to da greše, takvi ljudi će se tvrdoglavo držati svojih stavova, jer bi radije bili u pravu (iako greše), nego da prihvate neophodnost da asimiluju nove informacije u svoj pogled na svet, što bi neminovno dovelo i do promene njihovih stavova. Oni nisu u stanju da sagledaju koliko energije im je potrebno da budu u pravu, niti da upadaju u negativne emocije kada po svaku cenu dokazuju da su baš oni u pravu, (jer to im je najvažnije).

 

Ako imate naviku da radije budete u pravu, a ne da budete srećni, možda patite od pogrešnog i nesvesnog uverenja da su “biti u pravu” i “biti srećan” sinonimi.

 

U zavisnosti od toga s kim razgovarate, i samo ukazivanje nekome da greši može postati veoma neprijatno iskustvo ako druga strana shvati to previše lično. Razmislite o tome. Da li vas je ikada neko ispravio, a vi toj osobi odgovorili: “Hvala vam puno što ste mi pokazali da grešim“. U ljudskoj prirodi osnovna želja je da budu saslušani. I oni koji nauče da slušaju najviše su voljeni i cenjeni. Oni koji imaju naviku da ispravljaju druge, često su vređani i izbegavani.

 

Izvor: Freepick

Jedna od odlika emotivno inteligentne osobe je i to da ume proceniti kad je važnije “ostati u miru” nego biti u pravu. A šta u izreci „bolje biti u miru nego u pravu“ znači ono „biti u miru“? To ne znači samo ne zameriti se, već i više od toga: znači i ostati srećan, zadržati svoj mir. Jer, ako pravdu isteramo po cenu da se zbog toga sa nekim trajno zamerimo, možda smo dobili bitku, ali smo izgubili osobu, a veze sa ljudima su ono što je za našu ličnu sreću važnije nego pojedinačne pobede u sukobima.

 

Ovo nikako ne znači da treba da pređete u drugu krajnost – dopustiti drugima da vama manipulišu ili da ne govorite drugim ljudima šta stvarno mislite ili osećate. U nekim interpersonalnim situacijama fokus treba da bude prvenstveno na postavljanju granica, a ne na izbegavanju teških interakcija radi održavanja mira. Ponekad, opravdano treba da budete ili da insistirate da budete u pravu. Ne treba da žrtvujete svoja najdublja, najiskrenija osećanja i vrednosti –  u takvom trenutku, važno je da izrazite svoje mišljenje.

 

 

Odluka da budete srećni, a ne da imate pravo, znači da cenite stvaranje atmosfere razumevanja i održavanje harmonije umesto insistiranja na tome da budete saslušani, ubeđivanja drugih da ste baš i samo vi u pravu ili podučavanja nekog drugog lekciji.

 

Kada usvojite “mindset” biranja sreće umesto da budete u pravu, trošićete manje vremena na prepirke i uvlačenje u ”borbe za vlast”, a više vremena će biti usredsređeno na prihvatanje, puštanje i podsticanje ishoda u kojem svi dobijaju.

 

Suština ove vrlo efikasne strategije “dopustite da drugi budu u pravu” jeste postizanje većeg kvaliteta života putem usvajanja novog modela ponašanja – prepuštanja prvenstva drugima. 

 

Srećan čovek sam kreira svoj eko sistem koji ga čini srećnim, zahvalan je i za “najsitnije” događaje, i sebe smatra najboljim prijateljem. Zadovoljan je sobom, ne poredi stepen svoje ostvarenosti sa drugima i živi u sadašnjosti.

 

Ne dokazuje drugima da je on u pravu, već svoju energiju koristi za kreiranje podsticajnog okruženja za sebe i sebi bliske. On zna, da dopustiti drugom da bude u pravu, ne znači žrtvovati svoje lične vrednosti i stavove.

 

Biti u pravu neće vas usrećiti, a ako ste srećni onda vam zaista nije bitno ko je u pravu.

 

Na kraju, kad se sve sabere i oduzme, svi mi želimo da se osećamo dobro, a ne da, po svaku cenu, budemo u pravu.

 

 

Izvor: Business Intelligence Review

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